May 25, 2017
Today was just like any other day except for the fact that I slept for over an hour this afternoon. I felt really comfy with the weather outside that’s why I got a great sleep. The truth is, it hasn’t been raining for a very long time in our region until yesterday so that is the reason why tons of people are looking forward to this type of climate. It isn’t the wet season yet but I feel that this is already the beginning. Ahhh, so great!
May 6, 2017
I am so much in pain right now but you know what the worst thing is? It’s the fact that I can’t show how crushed I am. I can’t let people know that I am broken deep inside. This is because I don’t want them to feel pity towards me. You know how much I hate being the cause of a certain problem. I may have looked like a very confident person when I talk in front of huge crowd but in reality, I was just pushing myself to the limit coz I don’t wanna disappoint the people behind me. Yes, I am weak. I am very much weak and I know that, but when will I ever get out of this misery?
I tried to be strong and I still am but I am also afraid that maybe one day, I’ll get tired of trying to overcome everything all alone.
May 5, 2017
Today, nothing much really happened to be honest. I just spent most of the time lying down while finishing all korean dramas like Another Miss Oh and The Heirs. Good thing is that I finished them before the sun rose a while ago or else I’d be so dead to my mother if she see me wide awake like a fish. HAHA.
Even though this day wasn’t that much interesting and maybe it may seemed like some kind of ordinary day for me but I still felt relaxed. I wasn’t thinking of anything about school or whatsoever. I let go of all the bitterness for the last 24 hours and I am happy for that. I’ve been longing for a very long time to experience that kind of feeling before I get to start once again. I know that I’ve been trying really hard to fix things over regarding my health these past few weeks but only ended up more confused than I was before. I somehow miss my old self — that girl who’s always busy with college papers and examinations; who even abused herself with studying; who refused to have a social life for the sake of academics… I miss that kind of life. This is because that is the only time I can escape with my personal problems. I feel like even it’s just little by little, I am still able to move on from the tragic memories of my past that continuously haunts me. Those memories that I am talking about may not be known to my entire family but it stayed with me until today. I will be okay. I promise that.
May 4, 2017
I have been wondering for quite a while now, “Why do I feel that something’s going to happen not just to me but to anybody?”. It is like I have to treasure every single day of my life from now on or else I will end up crying with no one there to comfort me. I seemed to feel guilty about something that I, myself cannot even explain. I want to say something but words are just not coming out. I want to call someone but why do I always let go of all the chances when there is one. I feel lost. And also at the same time, I feel lonely. I’ve been trying to comfort myself by distracting my mind and soul with the things that I regularly do but all these random and weird stuff can’t just get out of my head. What do I do? I am still wondering until now upon when do I get an answer to my questions. Continue reading “4th of May”