2nd of October

October 2, 2017

Dear Journal,

            I’m going to admit this… I feel really pissed tonight. REALLY. Actually, today was supposedly a very joyous day for it’s the 113th founding anniversary of the university that I am currently attending – but things didn’t go as planned.

            Well here’s the story. Continue reading “2nd of October”

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30th of September

September 30, 2017

Dear Journal,

            Today wasn’t as good as my other Saturday experiences. It’s because I was kind of disappointed with the results of our final presentation on the descriptive research that we made for like 3 months. Even though I know that my friends gave their all to please everyone who attended the lecture… it’s just that – I was not satisfied at all. I think the main reason why I felt this way is that I aimed so much that I expected perfection from them. Unfortunately, it was too late already when I realized how wrong I have acted towards them. Indeed, this perfectionist side of me is giving me a real headache but I just can’t help it. All I can do now is adjust as much as I could so that I will not hurt more people in the future just because they don’t meet my expectations.

            I really feel sorry right now… I wish that I have the courage to let them know how apologetic I am at this moment – I really wish I have.

 

 

28th of September

September 28, 2017

Dear Journal,

            It’s the day of our circuits project presentation!!!!!!!!!!

            I am very much happy today since me and my group mates finished our presentation with a bang. Yey! At last, we could already sleep tight tonight. Honestly, it has been a tough month for everyone to build our prototype and prepare the rest of the paper works – but at least, we made it. #soproud 😊

            Finishing this project made me feel so stressed but on the good side, I felt more connected with the people whom I never imagined to be with. Each of us is unique in our own way but despite of such differences, we managed to survive the pressure given unto us.

            What a really great experience… until next timeee!!! XD

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19th of September

September 19, 2017

Dear Journal,

            Today, I decided to get back to writing stuff – random things in my life. I noticed that the feel in my hands and also the inner happiness that I long on my life every day. I admit it, I became stubborn. I let my problems over stress me to the point that I forgot the things that really bring joy to me – one of it is writing. Right now, I will let loose of all the things running inside my head. I want to let it flow once more, not just simply for the people around me but most importantly, for myself. This time, I want to be me again – escape this world and drown myself into my very own imagination; pushed the boundaries to limitless until it becomes imaginary and can no longer hinder the way I want to express my feelings. I have no idea whether this still makes sense but I want to continue. I want to write more and more – over and over again; release everything once more and free myself from the judgmental world I am dwelling in…

 

 

12th of September

September 12, 2017

Dear Journal,

            Aigoo, what a very rainy morning to start with… The rain has been endlessly pouring ever since last night because of two tropical storms nearing the northern region of our country and because of that my group meetings were all cancelled today…. what else to do? *sighs* Well honestly, I actually have tons of things to do and when I mean by ‘things’, I am basically referring to the paper works and school stuff that I need to finish by the end of the day. But speaking from the bottom of my heart, I am so sick of it. All of it. I am tired of everything that I am doing – may that be about college, relationships, family and others. You know the feeling when you suddenly felt suffocated with all the things that have been going around you and you just want to escape without anyone knowing? That is me right now. (̩̩́_̩̩̀)  

            These past few days were just sickening to death. I am stuck with tons of things that no one ever imagined to be doing. I stayed up all night barely getting enough sleep to live another day. Actually, people were already telling me to stop and just ease up a bit on everything but why am I not doing it? Why do I keep torturing myself to the point wherein I tend to imagine even the worse things in life?

           It is just so saddening that there’s no one that I can talk to. No one I can trust with the things happening in my life and this is the very reason why I adore this diary here in my site. With this, I am given a chance to breathe even just a little – releasing all those negative ambiance, forgetting the pain in which I suffered a lot. 

 May this pain and suffocation be driven away by the storms so that I may live happily again… 🤞

25th of August

August 25, 2017

Dear Journal,

It’s Fridayyyy y’all! 

Actually, I didn’t expect that I will have this opportunity right now to be able to write a diary update for the day since I was suppose to be reviewing for an examination tomorrow but since the classes were already suspended, it’s all great! Haha. Not that I am not ready for the happenings for the next day, it’s just that.. you know, it is still good to have extra time for preparation. I mean, we need that. Badly. I won’t enlist every single test that I got recently coz it is totally depressing, but I would only like to say that we deserve this rest, at the very least and… thanks for that! 🙂

Well today, aside from the 6 hours that I spent reviewing my lecture notes, there’s this one thing that became the highlight of my day. It’s the fact that I skipped my dinner for a friend for the very first time. Honestly, I felt like a total fool for waiting and not eating for the sake of friendship. The thing is because, this friend of mine who also happens to be living together with me in the dorm promised me that she’ll be having dinner with me which we always do every Fridays. Guess what… she broke that. Ouch. This is the first time I actually waited for someone and annoyed me at the end of the night. Hayst. 

Let’s see how she catches up with my temper for next few days. Lol. She’s not getting away with this. I swear. Haha. 

 

17th of August

August 17, 2017

Dear Journal,

            A continuation of the Monday-feels ~ ~ ~ Thursday…

            I had two examinations today such as electronics and differential equations. The first one was D.E. and I am grateful that I got to finish the test at the right time. It wasn’t that easy as well as that much hard – just right there in the middle. And right now, all I am praying is to have good scores on both so as to maintain the ranking that I have in the class. Well, this is me. HAHA. People might look at me as a very serious person who only cares about her marks which is a bit saddening. Others except for those who have been with me these past two years are afraid to even say a word in front of me since they think that I’ll say something that belittles their entire character – which is definitely not true. Seriously!

This is the main reason why I’ve been putting more effort into extending myself to others so as to avoid that growing gap among us. And today, I’ve accomplished something. I finally established a great conversation between me and X who is known to be one of our great rivals in the past. You know, college fights… But since none of us should make our personal interests interfere with being professional, I am glad that we got a good connection. In a very short span of time, we shared our own thoughts and opinions about random things in life. Other people might say that this is just merely fake friendship but for me, it is not. What is so wrong with befriending people, right?